What Stuttering Taught Me About Fear, Courage, and Myself
Today is International Stuttering Awareness Day (ISAD). For the first time, I'm sharing what this work taught me - not about my clients. More about myself.
For years I helped people who stutter. As I helped them find their voices, I was holding back mine. I worried I might not have the right answer. And if they found out, they would think I was an imposter - or worse. Being a guide for people who stutter actually led me to discover a better path - for myself.
The Mirror
Mark Friedlich: from the tenements of the Lower East Side, confronting bullies in the school yard, Mark knew he was gonna be memorable. Now, he's a leading voice in his industry, meeting presidents and testifying in Congress - stutter and all. (TranscendingX Podcast #86)
“The fear remains. Always. But it no longer decides where we go.”
Naomi Zauderer: in 9th grade, she hit "rock bottom" with big speech blocks. She felt like "the weirdo who couldn't say my name." With determination to help others, she came out of the shadows of hiding, and pursued her career as a therapist helping others find their voice, process their past and build healthy relationships. (Transcending X Podcast #81)
“By celebrating moments of success and choosing not to dwell on perceived failures, we gradually rewire our brain’s narrative. We create a new reality.”
Greg Pandise: in his early years, he struggled to read in class, anticipating classmates chuckles and coaches’ doubting his play-calling abilities. With discipline, diligence and consistently “doing the work” Greg achieved success on the athletic field, his financial sales career and his personal life. (Transcending X Podcast #78)
“You don’t have to be fluent to be a great communicator.”
Josh Mohrer: in school years, ducking and dodging words was a daily exercise. As a young professional he grew Uber NYC, leading teams, doing interviews and launching ventures without waiting for fluency. (Transcending X Podcast #77)
“At the end of the day, I’m just trying to communicate ideas to other people. I want to be understood.”
Shane Garcia: at five years old, he came home from school and just cried on the couch—picked on because of his stutter. In middle school, he hated raising his hand, afraid to ask questions that could expose his speech. One frustrated day, he closed his bedroom door, shut the blinds, and just danced—hard, in the dark, not knowing what he was doing. That moment changed everything. Years later, he stood on the "So You Think You Can Dance" stage, stuttered introducing himself to millions, then moved with such power that words became unnecessary. Today he's a professional dancer, choreographer and music producer who teaches others: your purpose is greater than your comfort. (Transcending X Podcast #49)
“Your purpose is greater than your comfort. Once you have your purpose, write it on a piece of paper. Put it in your phone. Because when it gets tough, you might fall off a bit. If you keep the habit of remembering it, you’ll pick yourself back up again.”
Watching them, I saw the reflection of myself. I saw how much I was holding back. Fear whispered in my ear, leading me to clench with hyper vigilance. I measured myself, only expressing a fraction of what I had inside of me. My work with these extraordinary people challenged me to stay the same - or lean in, feel the fear and go forward anyway.
What I Discovered About Fear
Fear doesn't leave when you wait. It actually shrinks when you move.
Once upon a time, I thought my job was to make people comfortable. Giving people a good feeling. (And truth be told, that is what we do! We help people heal their wounds of trauma, process the scars and bruises and recover the self-worth and confidence they have lost.) Babies have no shame and toddlers have no regrets.
In the following years, we can have experiences that shake and rattle our comfort in our skin and confidence in ourselves. So yes, restoring comfort is where it begins. But it's not the goal line. Courage is.
What is courage? Courage is stepping into uncertainty, naming the fear, and taking action anyway. It starts with singles. One call. One meeting. One conversation where you show up as you are - even if you stutter. The bold step to experience how imperfect speech doesn’t stop you from connecting. Repeating that experience can compound and build more courage, stronger muscles to flex into bigger situations.
Small Steps > Big Difference
For me, the shift was gradual. What started with subtlety, barely noticeable, evolved into a palpable difference.
In meeting clients, I noticed my fear. It would lead me to fill the silence, use professional lingo, and avoid the intolerable feeling of “I don’t know.”
So I started practicing what clients showed me:
I lingered in the silence, keeping my connection and attention with the other person.
I allowed myself to say, “I don’t know. But I know we can figure this out together.”
I sought opportunities in my personal life to go outside my comfort zone - running half-marathons and starting a podcast.
What happened next was beyond my wildest dreams! The same meetings became magical. The familiar uneasy feelings became calmer. As I flexed my courage, my clients relaxed. Our conversations became richer. Guard and masks melted away, and more of the person was revealed. We got real - naming the fear - and we kept going.
Each rep builds three things:
Strength: not fearlessness, but the choice to lean into fear.
Integrity: showing up more fully as myself, not wearing a masking shell of myself.
Success: saying what I want to say, doing what I want to do, aligned with my values, not performing only what I think might be acceptable.
This had a compounding effect. The next step gets easier - not because fear is gone, but because I know I’ve got more courage than fear.
I Tapped Into the Reservoir of Strength Within
For years, I managed my fear and missed the strength under it.
The epiphany was: being courageous does not mean you have no fear. Strength is moving with more courage than fear.
Suddenly, I realized I can be uncertain - and still be useful.
I might not have all the answers - and still add value.
I can stutter - literally and metaphorically - and still transmit a meaningful message.
My clients taught me this. And I fondly think of my friend Dan Greenwald, quoting his mother: “all of us are stronger than we think.”
What This Means on ISAD
ISAD isn’t a celebration of a disorder. It’s an invitation to expand our thinking and tap into the best of what makes us human. This condition of stuttering can break you. Or it can make you. And for people who stutter, their loved ones and those of us dedicated to research and professional care and allyship - we need to be curious, humble and dare to wonder what we can learn from people who stutter.
The best stories are not people who “overcame stuttering” and then pursued success. If you listen to the hundreds of stories we have (Transcending X podcast is a great sample!) the most successful people didn’t wait to start living until they stopped stuterring. They didn’t wait to be ready. They showed up and did what needed to be done - stutter or no stutter. The focus was sharp. Answer this question: What do I really want? Once you have your answer, go all-in.
My clients showed me what’s possible - and I could do it too.
What’s Next
If you stutter - or you’re navigating any communication challenge - know this:
Even when fear stays, it can fuel action.
You are bigger than your fear. Acknowledge it. And move through it.
Each rep of courage, builds a bank of lived evidence.
Even if you start-off feeling gripped by fear, you can evolve into strength, integrity, and success.
You can talk more and fear less 💪
👉 Ready to go deeper?
In my next blog post, I share the framework we’ve developed with a suite of tools and exercises to try for yourself.