My Breakthrough: Dating and Being Open (Jason's Guest Blog)
In the work we do, we are repeatedly inspired by the seemingly ordinary people who find themselves taking extra-ordinary steps. These steps shape people’s lives: these steps shape their life-relationships and redefine their view of what's possible...
The following was written by Jason (not real name), an adult who stutters sharing his personal (extraordinary) step forward, into a relationship. #stuttering #dating #openness
My Breakthrough (Openness)
I’ve been talking to a girl for about a month, and things have been progressing slowly.
My stutter has been on my mind whenever we talk and it’s something I wanted to get off my chest for a while. I told myself I would bring it up the next time we talked, but last minute I decided not to, and let it sit for a while.
I kept telling myself “It’s not the right time”, “I’m not ready”, etc. In the spur of the moment, I decided to tell her. It was very difficult for me to do, as I’ve never verbaly expressed that I have a stutter to anyone.
Most of my friends who know me well know that I have a stutter, but I’ve never explicitly voiced that I have a stutter. When I told her I had a stutter, all these negative thoughts were running through my mind. Things like “What are you doing?”, “This isn’t you”, “She’s gonna reject you”, and other bad thoughts. I was even feeling physical reactions to it. I could feel my anxiety starting to kick in, my chest tightened, my heart started beating a hundred miles an hour, I felt my fists starting to clench up.
It almost didn’t feel real. I told her I have a stutter, and that I don’t really have much control over it. It comes and goes when it pleases.
After I finished telling her, I realized there was nothing to worry about.
“She couldn’t have been more understanding, and said she didn’t even notice my stutter. ”
She couldn’t have been more understanding, and said she didn’t even notice my stutter. Which was a surprise because I know I’ve stuttered around her, and I always felt ashamed and embarrassed about it. She told me having a stutter was something that’s a part me, but it doesn’t define me. In addition, she also said that everyone has something to overcome and this is just one piece of the million pieces about me.
“She also said that ‘everyone has something to overcome’
and this is just one piece of the million pieces about me. ”
It’s almost like I told her what to say. I think this even made us closer because I shared something about me that’s very personal, and it made me feel very vulnerable expressing it. Not only that, she’s the first and only person I’ve ever told straight up that I have a stutter, and I let her know that.
“ I think this even made us closer...”
I told her that if she ever wants to bring it up and ask me questions about it, she shouldn’t hold back and that I’m very open about talking about it with her.
I’ve reread this a bunch of times to internalize it and relive what happened. I can’t say what the future holds for me at this moment, but it is something that is helping me through my current situation, and relationship.