The Power of Couplehood with Carl and Brittany Coffey (Live #27)
Conversation with Carl and Brittany Coffey
Scroll down for host and guest bio, additional resources, links, notes and more.
Host bio
Uri Schneider, M.A. CCC -SLP passionately explores and develops practical ways for us to create our own success story. Delivering personalized experiences of communication care informed by leading professionals and influencers, Uri is re-imagining the next-level of speech-language therapy for people to benefit in real life.
Uri Schneider, M.A. CCC -SLP is co-founder and leader at Schneider Speech Pathology and faculty at the University of California, Riverside School of Medicine.
TOPICS INCLUDE
- Going further into Carl's story
- Identity, relationships, biases and possibilities
- Pivotal experiences and memorable moments
- Perspective on what people need to know (and get right) about stuttering
- Personal and professional experiences being a "Black man" and a "person who stutters"
GUEST BIO
In addition to Carl's professional accomplishments (Six Sigma Consultant at United Health and his leadership role on the board of National Stuttering Association) Carl cleans-up real nice, sporting the bow tie and vest with dance moves to match.
Recently featured on national television, Carl makes time to lead next gen efforts to advocate and offer supportive programming for parents, kids, teens and adults who stutter - for today, and for the future tomorrow.
Resources and Links
National Stuttering Association -Carl Coffey
Transcending Stuttering Academy and Self-Guided Online Video Course
Transcription NOTES
12:56US: When you're in the leadership role of self-help or facilitating a group of people who all share this attribute of stuttering, let’s say, they come into the group and say something like ‘Hey, this thing has really put me through a tough time.’ How do you fix it?
13:22CC: I would say from the perspective of the National Stuttering Association, we want to meet people where they are in their stuttering journey. If you want to get to the point of saying, ‘I hate stuttering and I want to learn how to speak more fluently’ if that's your goal, awesome. Let's figure out a way to help you feel more comfortable with speaking. I'm all for that. I am all for being the best communicator that you can be, whether it's stuttering or trying to move past stuttering, whatever that looks like for you. I realize the path that we take is going to look different for different people. How can we best equip you with the tools to realistically get you to the point where you want to be?
At 26:12 Brittney Coffey comes in to tell her side of the story of how she met Carl and found out he stuttered.
28:06CC: I was sharing the experience of when I came out to you as a person who stutters and how I was nervous. Tell us about your side?
28:23BC: I knew that you stuttered before we started dating. I'm not sure if you know this story or not…(28:49) We were at our family's school reunion, the music was really loud and he leaned over to say something to me and he stuttered a little bit and it was the only stutter I heard, but I caught it because I teach kindergarten. So it's my job to listen for disfluencies. And I knew that he stuttered and I was just waiting for him to tell me. At the same time, I was waiting to tell him that I have anxiety. That was the big thing that I wanted to tell him. And so it's funny that he was also waiting to tell me about the stutter that we both thought was a big deal. And then we were both just like ‘we don't care.’ (31:58) I like your voice and your stutter is just a part of you. It’s always been.
37:39US: I think the conversation we don't always have is: what is it like to be a family member - a spouse, a friend, a teacher, and figuring out how to give the person (who stutters), what they want. No two people want exactly the same thing. Brittany, how do you reflect on that?
38:05BC: I’ve always just let him speak or do whatever he wants to do. And if there's something he needed me to do, I would do it. but my default is to just let him have that space and dignity to speak because he can speak better than me. His stutter is normal. And I just want it to be normalized for everybody.
44:00US: Any thoughts about that as encouragement for someone who is holding back in relationships, not going to the next level because of that fear, they don't want to put their spouse through it. They don't want to put that burden on them. They don't want to share that embarrassment, that shame that they might have felt. Any wisdom you might share?
44:30BC: If you're going to be in a relationship with somebody, the stuttering shouldn't be a consideration. And so if it is, maybe you shouldn't be with that person. For me, when I was getting in a relationship with you, it was because of your personality. It was because of how you made me feel and how I felt safe and secure it, stuttering wasn't even like a part of my inner thoughts.
45:28CC: I think from the perspective of a person who stutters, there's so much as we talk about it. For instance, the stuttering iceberg. There's so much that's underneath the surface that a lot of people don't understand, - the fear, the shame, the embarrassment. But I feel like so many people don't understand the years and the experiences of trying to mask it. So I think part of it is what Anita said, “we have to advocate for ourselves and be comfortable and let people know -Hey, this is a big deal to me.” I think that as a person who stutters or who deals with whatever thing you have, we have to be comfortable just sharing that with people.
01:11:24 US: You said so succinctly and so beautifully what neither of us was able to achieve in so few words It's okay to be uncomfortable. And I think that's a great message to take home.